Triple Deckx
by Nova-Rhenn
Summary: Yami is a spy for Russia and is totally clueless. This is also a parody on A Christmas Carol. I have NEVER seen xXx, so don't ask. If you like strange endings, this is for you.


8`Triple Deckx

DECKX DECKX DECKX, that is.

Hah!

This story is weird... and not quite as violent as xXx.

Not that I've ever even seen the movie, of course.  I've only heard about it.

This wont be much like xXx... especially when there are Kuribohs in lieu of machine guns.

But does that even matter?  

All of these characters are from Yu-gi-oh! and I am not their keepers.  Kaiba is not even his brother's keeper for that matter.  So you can use them, just don't abuse them.  Unless they deserve to be abused, Ex: Yami, Pegasus, Kemo, Croquet… (sorry Yami lovers…)

USE THEM, DON'T ABUSE THEM™

                It was Christmas Eve, and Yugi was preparing for his finals – the ones he would be taking instantly as soon as he got back into school after Christmas break.  And he was panicking.  He'd have to cram everything he had learned all semester into one little... well... cram session.  And he sure wasn't happy about it.  In fact, he was hardly into the Christmas spirit at all.

                "Yugi, why do you have that dumb symbol on the back of your neck!?  Y'know, the one that looks like 3 Duel Monsters decks?" Téa asked, not taking into account the fact that Yugi was seething with anger at the moment.

                "AAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!  BEEEE QUIETTTT!!!!!!" he screamed, slamming his fist down onto the table.  "I'M TRYIN' TA STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                Téa knew that Yugi never acted so angry, not even when he was... really angry.

                "What gives, Yugi?" Tristan asked politely.

                "Nothing..." Yugi whispered.  "About that symbol – I didn't even know I had it.  But about my tendency to be angry, Yami just won't tell me what he's been doing with my body when I'm not looking!  I'm about to evict him!  AGH!  I can't stand to think what he's done with me lately... Eyuh..." He grimaced.

                "Really?" Bakura (Ryou) asked.  "That's it, Yugi?"

                "Yup," Yugi replied, clearing the desk.  "Anyway... Anyone up for bowling?"

                "Yeah!" Joey and Tristan yelled.

                Later that night, after his friends had gone, Yugi suddenly transformed into Yami.  He took out his (very long-range) walkie-talkie and turned it on.  "Yami to Japan.  Over."

                Someone replied.  "Yami?  We don't know of any 'Yami'.  What is your identity?"

                "Triple Deckx."

"Welcome.  Is your mission complete?"

                "Quit asking me," Yami answered.  "Of course not.  I'm about to break into the museum and steal those artifacts, as needed by the Master."

                "Ah.  This will be tonight?"

                "Indeed." Yami switched off the walkie-talkie and climbed into a black bodysuit_.  **I'm all set,**** he thought.**_

                Slowly he crept to the dark museum.  He shot a hook-like thing with a string to the top, it latching onto the side of the roof.  He pulled himself up to the roof.  Putting away his device, he stared down through the panes of glass that were the ceiling of the museum.  

**_How typical,_ Yami thought.**

Using a glass cutter, he carefully cut a large hole in the glass roof and expertly lowered himself down.  He was inside.  Now to take the artifacts.

He silently hid in the shadows, avoiding security guards and slipping past motion detectors that he revealed with an interesting solution in an aerosol can...  Then he found the artifacts he was to steal.

He used some WD-40 to slide himself under the last motion detector guarding the artifacts (hah) and stood, the prize in his sights.  He disconnected the alarm system to the glass case and lifted it, while he was there taking the Millennium items that had been returned to the museum – the Millennium Scale, Necklace, and Rod.  In addition, he took the Triforce, all four of the Elemental Stars (oh no, the power of Alchemy will be unleashed upon the world!), the Ring of Power, a rare Duel Monsters card of Exodia's hiney (quite powerful, really – and why it's called the Forbidden One), and Elvis's guitar.  All done.

After taking each one, he replaced it with an object similar to it.  The Millennium Scale replaced with a triple beam balance, the Necklace replaced with the old strap to his Millennium Puzzle, and the rod replaced with the Rod of Seasons, then replaced again with a baton. Continuing, the card with a Mark McGwire baseball card, the Triforce with some tortilla chips, the Elemental Stars with marbles, the guitar replaced with a makeshift tissue box and rubber band guitar, and the Ring of Power replaced with Joey's wedding ring.  (AAAHHH!!!!!  ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!!)  

After he was finished, he slid back under the motion detector and noticed something sticking out of his pocket.  The Forbidden Piece of the Forbidden One seemed like it was trying to escape.   Yami took the card from his pocket, sighing, and suddenly he felt kind of tired.  Then the feeling was unmistakable... he couldn't resist and fell fast asleep in an instant.  He then heard a voice.  Isis's voice.  In moments she stood beside him.

"Yami, I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.  What you are doing isn't right, and you know it."

"I'm not Yami.  I'm Triple Deckx."

"Triple Deckx, then.  Anyway, what you're doing... you're being a baaad boy."

"But it's my job," Yami answered.  "I'm a spy."

"Well, get a different job!  Go spy on that nasty creep you work for.  Or maybe you could just save the world from evil people.  How about that?"

"No!"

"Well, then.  Why don't we just see about that?" Isis whispered, and suddenly she and Yami were hovering above the town.  

"Ah!" he yelled.

"Don't be frightened.  Here we are, in the town.  Here you are, on your way to the museum." She pointed to a figure dressed in black walking to the museum.

"So?" Yami replied.

"Yami... I mean, Triple Deckx, you're a spy in someone else's body.  But for now, that doesn't matter.  Watch."  The Yami below kicked a stray cat out of his way.

"Look at that!" Isis cried.  "You just kicked that cat!  Have you any Christmas spirit?"

"Ya, ya.  I kicked a cat.  Big deal."

"No, think about it, Yami.  You hurt a poor defenseless animal.  I'm leaving now, since you don't understand.  Maybe the Ghost of Christmas Present will get through to you."  And with that, Isis disappeared.

"What was that all about?" Yami thought.  Then Malik appeared.  And he did not look happy.

"Oh, you!" he yelled.

"What?"

"You!  That kid Yugi!  The one I tried to steal the stupid Millennium Puzzle from!"

"I'm not Yugi, I'm Triple Deckx."

"Really?"  Malik answered.  "Well, anyway, I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present.  And you seem to be doing something you shouldn't... I messed up there."

"Huh?"

"I did a lot of stuff I shouldn't have."

"Oh."

"Well, why don't we see what your boss is doing right now, now that he knows you're getting him the items he needs?" Malik transported Yami to the um... place where his boss was.  Pegasus was in the room with Croquet, Kemo and a guy Yami had never seen before.

"Hey, it's Pegasus!" Yami blurted out.

"Yep.  Pegasus is the guy you're working for.  You're helping him in his plan to take over the world.  Betcha didn't know that."

"Right, I didn't.  Now I wanna blow up that creep!  Isis was right!  And tight, for that matter!" He smiled evilly and tried to run at Pegasus, but Malik stopped him.

"You can't do that.  Watch."

Pegasus was dancing around the room.  "I'm gonna take over the world!  I'm gonna take over the world!" he sang.  "This calls for a celebration!  Kemo, get out the Herbal Essences shampoo!_"_  (Sorry, Maggie... it works so well here!)

"Eyuh..." Yami whispered.  "This is creepy.  Get me outta here!"

Malik did.  "So now, are you gonna stop your mission?"

"Of course not.  I have all this good stuff, why should I?"

Malik sighed.  "Guess it's time for the Ghost of Christmas Future to take over."  He disappeared, Shadi appearing in his place.

"Shadi!?" Yami gasped.  "You!?"

"Yes, Yami.  I am the Ghost of Christmas Future."

"I'm Triple Deckx."

"Anyway.  My role is to show you what you would have done if you were caught."

"Then show me," Yami said like a stuck-up prep.  Shadi didn't answer, only took him to the inside of the museum.  Yami saw himself on the ground, hearing the alarm go off.  He jumped up.  The security guards ran in to arrest Yami, but Yami pulled out a couple of cards from his Duel Monsters deck.  A Kuriboh, and a Multiply Magic card.

"Take that!" he cried, while Kuribohs pelted the security guards, blowing up everything they touched.  Yami watched in shock.

"What the heck..." he whispered.

"Well, that's what you would have done," Shadi replied.  

"I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean all this, I mean... all those cute little Kuribohs... I don't care if they have a really bad case of athlete's foot... they're still cute!" Tears welled up in Yami's eyes.

"Well, why don't I take you back then..." Shadi answered.  "Hey Isis," he whispered.  "Do you think I should tell him he whips out a machine gun and blasts their heads off instead of Kuribohs?"

"... Nah," she replied.  

"Then do you think he deserves... the Exodia?"

"YES!!!"

"All right, then..." Shadi sent Yami back to the museum, where he was before.  As soon as he opened his eyes, there it was.

The Forbidden Exodia card.

In other words, Exodia's booty.

Right up in his face.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yami screamed, throwing the card and everything else he had stolen up in the air, then ran out of the museum as fast as his feet could take him.  He ran down the street, all the way back to his house, up into his room, replacing his pajamas on his body, and went back to bed.

Yugi woke the next morning to Joey's voice.  "Hey Joey, don't you think it's a little early?" he asked.

"C'mon, Yugi, it's Christmas.  We all came early." Yugi looked over behind Joey to see Téa, Tristan and Bakura smiling back at him.

Yugi's grandpa found them in the hallway.  "Hey there," he said.  "Did you guys know there was an attempted robbery at the museum late last night?  It's all over the TV stations."

Yugi blinked.  "Nope.  Didn't know anything about that."  But deep inside Yugi's mind, Yami was sweating, his face pale.

"Here, they're going to show a picture of the suspect," his grandpa said.  A picture came on screen, one that looked exactly like Yami's.

Everyone stared at Yugi, Téa gasping.  Yugi stared at the television, his eyes wide.  "Yami, I'm gonna kill you!" he weakly spoke, and fainted.

– The End – 


End file.
